Rugby: New Zealand 44-12 England - Bloody useless

Two crushing defeats. One sex scandal. And a large dose of humiliation and ridicule. 
 
That's what England's short, sad stay on the other side of the world added up to. 
 
Hardly the kind of bright start new head coach Martin Johnson - even though he was thousands of miles away - was hoping for when he chose to sit in the hot seat. 
 
However, as the players flew home nursing plenty of mental and physical wounds, Elite Rugby Director Rob Andrew refused to admit the tour was a disaster. He also refused to condemn his players as they slumped to a second successive loss at the end of a torrid week. 
 
Andrew, under fire from many quarters for his lack of strong leadership off the field and his team selection on it, amazingly claimed: "I definitely do not think this has been a tour from hell. Not by any stretch of the imagination. 
 
"I have been pleased with the spirit and commitment the players have shown. And we have learned many things about some younger players we brought out here to perform in a very testing environment. 
 
"I thought it showed enormous strength of character. We didn't deserve to be 20-0 down at half-time. 
 
Quite the opposite. 
 
"We were a bit naive and chased the game. We were beaten by a better side. We improved on last week, which wasn't reflected by the scoreboard. We learned more about some of the younger players who started a Test for the first time. 
 
"We've left a few guys at home who are likely to be in the EPS squad come July 1 so there are plenty of things to look forward to and to work on when we return." 
 
Andrew, however, knows the trip has been embarrassing and damaging, both on and off the field. 
 
It was always going to be a difficult tour. But it is the lurid sex allegations made against four players which this trip will be remembered for - and it has all left Andrew a bit more worried about his own position. 
 
Andrew was hoping to end the tour with some positive vibes to take back to Johnson. 
 
Sadly, the second Test became another horror story with the All Blacks sweeping England aside without having to hit top gear - and the men in white shooting themselves in the foot too many times. Dan Carter was the All Blacks' hero with 22 points - the same as the previous game. He scored his second try of the mini-series with Richard Kahui, Ma'a Nonu, Sione Lauaki and Jimmy Cowan also going over. 
 
Carter's kicking was outstanding with four conversions and three penalties - and he was a class apart from the rest. 
 
England managed to break through the All Blacks defence several times but paid dearly for their lack of finishing power - just as they did in Auckland when David Strettle failed to score. This time it was Mathew Tait, who dropped the ball as he tried to dive over the line, and Tom Varndell, who was just forced into touch before planting the ball down. 
 
England also shot themselves in the foot. They went 13-0 down very early, then 20-0 behind at half-time. 
 
The game was virtually over by then and even though they tackled far better than seven days earlier, and threatened the All Blacks' line more often, there was never any real chance of a fightback. 
 
Losing Mike Tindall to his second yellow card of the series didn't help. 
 
Scrum-half Danny Care showed speed and quick thinking for a fine individual try, while Varndell got his name on the score-sheet. 
 
But there was no way to save it from being another tour from hell. No matter what Andrew might say! 
 
ENGLAND RATINGS 
 
MATHEW TAIT 6  
Suffered curse of England wings when wasting glorious try-scoring chance and sustained nasty injury in accidental clash with Kahui. 
 
TOPSY OJO 5  
The two-try star from Auckland became Mr Invisible. The ball seemed scared of going near him - and he needed to go looking for it more. 
 
MIKE TINDALL 6  
Second yellow card in two games and game was a struggle for most experienced member of the back line. At least he gave it everything. 
 
JAMIE NOON 5  
Brought in to put some brawn into the defence. Sadly he was tackling shadows most of the time and looked shell-shocked by the end. 
 
TOM VARNDELL 6  
Should have scored an early try but was tackled into touch. But did at least get his name on the score sheet when all was lost. 
 
TOBY FLOOD 4  
Injured trying to stop the relentless Blacks' tide and struggled to impose himself on the game during the half-hour he was on the field. 
 
DANNY CARE 6  
The sparkles from this busy little scrum-half were too few and far between. Scored a fine try but was shackled by the lack of decent ball 
 
TIM PAYNE 6  
Held firm with plenty of muscle and bravery where it hurts most. Walked off battered and bruised but also unbowed compared to some. 
 
LEE MEARS 5  
A hooker's life is never an easy one - and there was plenty of hardship for the "Piglet" who got his snout bent out of shape. 
 
MATT STEVENS 5  
Strong and solid with England's scrum holding up well. But more was needed from the South African-born tough guy, who looked slow. 
 
TOM PALMER 7  
Arguably England's best performer. Won plenty of line-out ball and covered many acres of turf in a bid to stamp his mark on the game. 
 
STEVE BORTHWICK 5  
There was little the captain could do to prevent another humiliation. And whether he is the right man for the job . . . the jury is still out! 
 
JAMES HASKELL 6  
Plenty of effort and endeavour but was second best in open play and struggled to retrieve the situation as England tried to stop the rot. 
 
TOM REES 6  
Unable to impose himself enough in the rucks and mauls and was eventually replaced as England tried in vain to turn the tide. 
 
LUKE NARRAWAY 5  
Took a backwards step from a week earlier. Too slow and cumbersome around the field and was out-played by the All Blacks back row. 
 
ROB ANDREW 3  
His players, whoever he picked, were clearly not up to the task. But his handling of this tour and his team selection were hardly inspiring. 
 
REPLACEMENTS  
D Paice (for Mears) 5, J Hobson (for Stevens) 5, B Kay (for Palmer) 5, J Worsley (for Rees) 4, P Richards (for Tait) 4, O Barkley (for Flood) 4, T Croft (for Narraway) 5. 
 
NEW ZEALAND  
MacDonald 7, Sivivatu 6, Kahui 8, Nonu 8, Wulf 7, Carter 8 (Donald), Ellis 6 (Cowan), Tialata 6 (Woodcock), Hore 6, Somerville 7, Thorn 7, Williams 6 (Boric), Thomson 8, McCaw 4 (Lauaki), So'olaio 6.