"NO one's Beatle-proof," trumpeted Sir Paul McCartney after his wife boasted that he could pick up the phone and get Tony Blair on the line within . 10 minutes.
Cut to the next scene and the all-powerful anti-1 fur activist Macca is talking about his conversation with... Peter Mandelson.
So he didn't get the PM! He got Blair's twice-fired exiled former sidekick who now does a job no one cares about in Brussels. But the good news is Mandy's a dog lover. So Paul's bid to outlaw the European trade in cat and dog pelts should be a mere formality.
Yeah, right.
Meanwhile, back in London a determined looking blonde woman is zig-zagging around Bond Street in a f deranged manner. "Can I make you j aware of the cats and dogs?" says Sir. Paul's zealous second wife Heather as she lurches towards bemused shoppers, "...the cats and dogs". What? It's not that I don't applaud the former Ms Mills' efforts to help stamp out the appalling business of skinning domestic pets for profit. But pouncing on people and repeatedly saying "cats and dogs" hardly constitutes getting the message across.
Luckily there was camera crew there to record Heather's selfless work.
The McCartneys vs The Fur Trade (Wednesday, BBC1) was a well-meaning attempt to spread the word about animal cruelty. But why is it this odd couple don't seem to have any cheese control? I nearly threw up at the saccharine sight of "Uncle Paul" reading his eco-story book to a classroom full of little girls.
And did we really have to endure quite so many mentions of Geordie aristocrat Heather's self-styled title "Lady Heather Mills McCartney."
Be me ever so 'umble Your Ladyship, but this schlock gave me the creeps.