THE NEW CELEB FAD

What nonsense is this?

Jennifer Aniston, Reese Witherspoon and Marcia Cross have let slip that they replace snacks and meals with baby food. They must have got the idea from Hedi Slimane, creator of some of Dior’s most skinny-fitting clothing, who eats baby food to keep his figure stick-thin. I’ve heard of some daft health fads (chocolate and popcorn diet anyone?), but baby food takes the biscuit (rusk). ‘The less I chew the better,’ says Slimane. Really, now?

I didn’t eat baby food when I was a baby. My mother just mashed up whatever she was eating – carrots, parsnips, lamb. But for Celebs On Sunday readers, I’m willing to take on this diet by replacing at least two meals a day with pots of pulp, meant for people who count their age in months, for as long as I can stomach it – so none of you have to.

TURNING POTTY
Right, if you’re going to do this diet, my first piece of advice is don’t. My second piece of advice is, if you’re still persisting (you loon), don’t do the cottage pie. I make a mean one, so I know it’s pretty simple. I tried three brands of baby mush cottage pie – my record was two small spoonfuls.

On day one I was hopeful. The array of baby food in Waitrose looked surprisingly edible – fruit compote, banana yoghurt -– maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. Plus it’s organic and less than 60p a pot. My friends are always moaning about how expensive babies are. Who are they kidding? Three days’ food for less than a fiver. Bargain-tastic.

Problem 1: what ‘stage’ am I? Am I first (4 months), second (8 months) or third (one year)? Suddenly, Hedi’s mantra rings in my ears – ‘The less I chew the better.’ I opt for the first stage, it’s the most mushy.

By 2.30pm, I have yet to find the courage to open a single jar. Even just for a sniff. In the end I select banana custard (bypassing pasta with courgettes – not that appealing). It doesn’t quite taste of bananas, but kind of reminds me of them. Ella’s Kitchen Apple & Banana Drink (75p, totally organic) is lush, though. I’m a pro.

7pm. A starving pro. Maybe not such a pro. I eat all the pasta I can find in the house, piled high with vegetables. So much for diet.

Day two: clearly my issue on day one was skipping breakfast. Everyone knows this is the most important meal of the day. Making baby porridge takes ages, so I’m late for work. It sits heavy in my tummy, occasionally making angry noises. Still, at least there’s something in my stomach. I steel myself to try penne with courgettes for lunch. Again, it tastes almost like pasta. But as though someone removed 90% of the taste. Then mashed it. Two spoons and I opt for a banana rice pudding instead, which tastes OK. I have to admit, I’m not hungry. Skip the courgettes and I could get used to this.

7pm. Starving again. I eat all the pasta I can find in the house. Again. I’m going to have to go hardcore. My problem with diets is choice. I know loads of people believe in the ‘nothing is forbidden’ nonsense, but I can’t be doing with it. The only way I’m going to get anywhere with this mush is if I eat the stuff all day.

On day three, I do exactly that. This is when the cottage-pie saga occurs… Maybe I have a salt addiction (I do chuck in plenty when I’m cooking, although I never add it at the table). Every pot I open just feels like it needs a generous sprinkle. So I sneakily add it – but then they just taste of salt. All the savoury pots have that musty, slightly stomach-churning smell of dinner from three nights ago, which you put in a Tupperware pot thinking you’d finish it the next day, but then didn’t. One of them I try is Mum’s Own Recipe (whose mum? Not mine) and claims to be a family favourite – which is backed-up with a picture of a grumpy baby on the front.

By the evening I have a headache that stays with me for the duration of the diet. Plus I’m tired (even more than usual on a Friday). My mouth tastes like I have a hangover, regardless of how much I brush my teeth. This is rubbish. On a positive note, I have lost 3lbs in 4 days, but frankly it would have been less bother enduring a bout of food poisoning.

Day four: I’m rescued when my boyfriend catches me spooning vegetable and chicken mush into a bowl and chucks it in the bin. He makes me spaghetti carbonara, so that’ll be the 3lbs going straight back on. What a sweetheart.

CELEB BABY FOOD DIETERS

Jennifer Aniston
The Hollywood actress, 38, eats the ‘purer, nutrient-packed, gluten-free’ pots to keep the pounds off.

Reese Witherspoon
The Walk The Line star, 31, chooses to eat baby food, rather than crash dieting. She supplements this by having one adult meal a day.

Marcia Cross
The Desperate Housewives’ star and 45-year-old mum swapped junk food snacks for baby food – which she says helped her shed more than 50lbs of pregnancy weight.

THE EXPERTS SAY…
GMTV’s Dr Hilary Jones warns the baby food diet isn’t healthy. He says, ‘Adults need to chew food, or their teeth will fall out. Baby food often puts weight on babies, so the design of the diet should make people actually gain weight.’

WHAT OCTAVIA ATE

DAY ONE
Breakfast Nothing
Lunch Banana custard
Snack Apple & banana drink
Dinner Adult meal, pasta

DAY TWO
Breakfast Baby porridge
Lunch Banana and rice pudding
Dinner Adult meal, pasta

DAY THREE
Breakfast Banana
Lunch Cottage pie and summer pudding
Snack Apple & banana drink:
Dinner Fruit compote (x2)

DAY FOUR
Breakfast Baby porridge
Lunch Veg and lentil bake
Snack Apple & banana drink
Dinner Adult meal, pasta