BEAUTY TURNS BEASTLY

By Joani Walsh 12/08/2007

Lynne gets a facial (SM)

Willing to go to any extremes to look good? Really? Well, have a peek at our round-up of the most revolting beauty treatments around..

THE SNAKE VENOM WRINKLE CURE
We’ve heard many cases of that scourge of the student union, the Snakebite – half lager, half cider – causing paralysis. Now the venom from genuine snake bites has inspired an anti-wrinkle formula which is claimed to imitate the freezing effects of Botox, without the needle. The key ingredient is Syn-Vipe, a protein copied from temple viper venom, which is used to relax facial features, thereby softening expression lines. Syn-Vipe is found in Biodroga Special Care Defense Maximizer Anti-Aging Facial Fluid, £47.95, which acts preventatively, too, and Line Minimizer, £31.25, with additional fillers and reflectors for immediate visible results. Call 08712 228 070 or visit beautyconcepts.co.uk for salon stockists.
INDEPENDENT SKIN EXPERT, DR NICK LOWE SAYS: Snake venom is a neuro toxin, reducing messages coming from the nerve endings. So it’s possible that this works, having a temporary effect on finer wrinkles, but I’d like to see the scientific proof.

THE COW’S MILK MENOPAUSE CREAM
Colostrum is the ‘pre-milk’ mothers release after giving birth, and it’s full of nutrients to bolster the young ‘un’s immune system and help with growth. Cow colostrum was traditionally used to make rice pudding, but now it’s a big trend for treating post-menopausal skin, with claims that its growth factors help thicken and tighten skin that’s starting to sag from hormonal ageing or sun damage. And because it contains natural anti-inflammatory agents, colostrum is said to be great for treating spots and problem skin, too. Find it in Environ Intensive Colostrum Gel, £25, from salons, call 020 8450 2020 for stockists.
DR LOWE SAYS: Growth factors are very large proteins, so I’d have a problem with them being able to penetrate skin in any meaningful amounts. However, colostrum does contain a high level of fat which would make skin feel softer.

THE FLESH-EATING FISH
We’ve all seen movies where the bad guys get devoured by piranhas, but this treatment uses a type of fish that feast more selectively on your flesh, clearing up pesky dead skin cells. Treatment with garra rufa or ‘doctor fish’ originates in Turkish spas, such as the resort at Kangal (psoriasisfishcure.com), where they’ve been used on skin conditions including psoriasis. The toothless fish nibble painlessly away at scaly skin to reveal the healthier skin beneath. Folk more interested in showing a clean pair of heels in their Manolos can also use the fish to chow down on their chewy heels and save on the foot filing. The fish have become popular in Japan and China and are swimming their way through Europe, with a resort now open in Ireland (skintherapyireland.com; 00 353 61 309614). 
DR LOWE SAYS: This makes a lot of sense and research has been done. It’s thought the fish produce a chemical in their saliva that softens the outer skin layers – I just hope they don’t get too hungry!

THE EMU FAT SOOTHER
How generous are those Australians? First they gave us Kylie and now they’re sending us their leftovers. Emu oil is extracted from the fat of the saddle of the emu and is a by-product of its meat. Its potential was spotted when injured Aborigines were seen tucked under emu hides in the sun where their skin could absorb the oil, reputed to have great healing powers. Its fatty acid composition (the oil is packed with omegas 3, 6 and 9) is thought to be similar to that of human skin, so is absorbed quicker than other oils and doesn’t clog and cause irritation. Emu oil can be used as a moisturiser, and it’s also registered as an anti-inflammatory in Australia where it’s used on inflamed or irritated skin and to help wounded skin heal. British designer Amanda Wakeley swears by it and, Stateside, Demi Moore and Goldie Hawn are rumoured to be fans. Golden Emu Oil, £5.95, plus muscle and joint rubs and skincare from independent health stores and pharmacists; www.pion-tc.co.uk; 01526 344971.
DR LOWE SAYS: Some natural oils are helpful in treating irritated skin. And wound healing is dependent on keeping the skin surface soft and moist to encourage increased repair of skin cells, so this is a logical concept.

THE SNAIL SLIME SKIN SOFTENER
Not content with leaving shiny trails all over the patio furniture, snails are now looking to leave their mark on your skin, too, as the main ingredient in two new face creams. After the handlers at a Chilean snail farm (where the critters are bred for the French food market) noticed how soft their hands had become and how quickly minor cuts healed, the farm started to harvest the slime produced by their 10,000 snails as they crawl. Added to 20% base cream, the snail secretions contain proteins and vitamins said to help treat acne, stretch marks and lines. There’s allantoin for regenerating the skin in the same way that snails regenerate their shell, collagen and elastin, as found in human skin, and glycolic acid to peel away dead skin. You’ll find snail secretions in Elicina Cream, £29.50, from JML Direct TV on channel 631; www.jmldirect.com; 020 7691 3888, and De Tuinen Snail Gel, £19.99, Holland & Barrett.
DR LOWE SAYS: There is no evidence I know of that says elastin and collagen applied to the top of skin makes new collagen and elastin. However, snail material contains some moisturising ingredients that make skin soft. And glycolic acid is a pretty universal agent in humans and animals that causes skin to become more compact and smoother.

THE BULL’S SEMEN HAIR SHINE
Maybe Cameron Diaz was on to something in There’s Something About Mary, because smearing semen onto your hair is apparently a fantastic nourishing treat. It’s all down to its protein content – the keratin it contains also happens to be the main constituent of hair. If you don’t fancy trying a ‘home spa’ version, you can opt for a salon semen treatment which promises to leave your locks as glossy and full-bodied as a pregnant cow – rather appropriate as the sperm used is donated by the bovine equivalent of Brad Pitt, the Aberdeen Angus bull. In Hari’s Aberdeen Organic salon treatment (harissalon.com), £55, the bull juice is mixed with katera, a protein-rich plant root from Iran, and applied as a masque – odourless, thankfully – and left to penetrate (oo-er) before your hair is blow-dried into shape. Fine, frazzled or frizzy hair is meant to be reinvigorated. Don’t worry, you won’t bump into the sperm donor out back – the semen is extracted as part of the pedigree breeding programme, using a fake cow and collected in plastic containers. Saves subscribing to Playbull.
DR LOWE SAYS: It wouldn’t surprise me if this worked. But I can’t see it having any advantages over a normal conditioner, being as most contain some form of derived protein anyway. I think it’s a bit silly, frankly.

THE BIRD POO FACIAL
If you’re going to have poo smeared all over your face, it helps to know it comes from a cute, feathery bottom rather than a big old hairy one. So we should be grateful that new treatment at Hari’s salon in London’s Knightsbridge – where clients include Sienna Miller – is made from nightingale droppings instead of something you might find floating in your own loo. The Nightingale Facial, which costs £135 for 90 minutes, uses an enzyme (guanine) found in the droppings for its healing and skin-lightening qualities. Apparently the secret of geisha girls, whose white faces have formed the Japanese ideal of beauty for centuries, the droppings are treated under UV light to remove bacteria, then mixed with white clay and applied all over the face to brighten and smooth skin tone. Results are apparently noticeable after just one treatment. Let’s just hope no-one says you look like crap afterwards. Call 020 7581 5211 or visit www.harissalon.com for appointments.
DR LOWE SAYS: There are a variety of naturally occurring substances, such as liquorice extract, that have been scientifically proven to reduce skin pigment. So I wouldn’t write this one off – it is conceivable that it contains agents that may lighten.

BEAUTY EDITOR LYNNE’S TRIED & TESTED
‘After a long day at the Celebs On Sunday office, with phones ringing off the hook and people shouting about deadlines, the last thing I felt like was going to a beauty salon and having a load more sh** heaped on my head.
My expectations of a thoroughly unpleasant experience remained unchanged when the therapist invited me to sniff the powdered bird droppings and they ponged – surprise, surprise – exactly like the bottom of my old budgie’s cage. 
Thankfully, the plop isn’t applied neat on the skin but mixed up with a clay paste to neutralise the niff. As it dried on my face, I felt a slight tingling... and an overwhelming urge to giggle, remembering a childhood holiday when a seagull scored a direct hit on my dad’s bald patch.
Perhaps Dad should have rubbed it into his wrinkles rather than bellowing and shaking his fist, because when the poop mask was gently rinsed away I was stunned. My skin looked and felt fantastic. And once I’d got over the ick factor, the treatment itself was lovely, with everything from a relaxing hand massage to a brilliant aduki bean face exfoliation thrown in.  In fact, you could say the bird poo facial is a real tweet...’

Dr Nick Lowe is consultant dermatologist at the Cranley Clinic in London and author of Away With Wrinkles (Kyle Cathie, £14.99), a revised edition of which is due out shortly. His own range, Dr Nick Lowe Skincare, will be available from larger Boots stores from September