Dear Dr Cath...
I have been with my boyfriend for three months and we have a very passionate relationship.
But yesterday I came home early from work to find him in the bedroom, pleasuring himself. I was really shocked and hurt - I can't believe I'm not enough for him.
Dr Cath says...
Sometimes it can be difficult to understand what makes men tick if you're a woman and to men, women's minds work in mysterious ways. The fact is that for the male of our species masturbation is a regular occurrence. What's important to understand is that this kind of self-leasure has very little to do with the emotional nature of a relationship.
Some men describe it as a physical drive - a bit like scratching an itch.
For women, unless there is an emotional context to sexual arousal then it's hard to get turned on. It's incorrect to think that you aren't enough for him simply because he continues to masturbate.
Research actually shows that men in satisfying relationships who are having a lot of sex pleasure themselves MORE - not less.
This is because the thoughts and fantasies of having sex with you only serve to fire up his sex drive more.
So instead of being hurt, you can be proud that you inspire so much sexual energy that he needs to work it off even when you're not there.
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