A FEW early thoughts on I'm A Celebrity...
Let's pray Kylie Minogue isn't watching her ex Jason Donovan's failed attempt to show charisma, as the shame may jolt her out of remission.
Let's hope Jordan is watching Faith Brown's knockers scrape along the jungle floor, forcing her into swift surgery-reversal.
Let's assume Lauren Booth doesn't own a mirror after claiming David Gest has a face like an ironing board. If she did, she'd realise it's only marginally worse than having an arse the size of a twin-tub.
Kerry Katona's Iceland ad. As if she's ever off the booze long enough when she's not pregnant to sit with her kids.
Ant and Dec. From Likely Lads to Chuckle Brothers.
Toby Anstis calling himself "The Tobester". Only when somebody other than your mum knows your real name should you practice a new one on us, son.
And the genius that is David Gest. He may well be a living warning for what can go wrong with a face transplant, but anyone who can say of Jan Leeming: "The newsreader has her head in her vagina," deserves to win. Critics say he was totally wrong to say that, but he was only slightly wrong.
All BBC newsreaders, as we will see tomorrow on Children In Need, are sad attention-seekers.
Gest was simply one orifice out when claiming where they stick their heads.