You would never have guessed. Joan Collins, the Hollywood star soon to turn 75, still gets incredibly excited about Christmas.
Joan is so excited she's having a family Christmas (pic:retna)
"I love it," she squeals. "We received a Christmas card this morning, and I said to Percy, 'I don't recognise this writing', and he said, 'It's from Kylie!'.
"This year it's very special because it's the first time in I cannot remember how many years I'm going to be sharing Christmas Day with my sister."
Indeed, the entire family will gather together in a hotel in Beverly Hills before tucking in to lunch at the home of her novelist sis Jackie Collins.
"We'll wake up in the hotel and we'll have egg-nog, which is one of our favourite things," says Joan. "I imagine the grandchildren will be awake about four - we'll try to get up by eight or nine. We might even go out for pancakes.
"I've asked the hotel if they can put up a Christmas tree. It's very important to me to get the kids little presents. I've bought a Power Ranger outfit for my grandson Weston, who's three, and the girls will get lots of cute, pretty dresses. There will be nine children there altogether so I have ordered wheelie suitcases in different colours, each with their names on, because I think if they're all going to get extra toys, they'll have something to take them in when they come back to England.
"We'll have the stockings, and then we'll go over to my sister's. Jackie does the full thing with the turkey and all the trimmings."
So will Joan be helping her 70-year-old sister in the kitchen? "No," she laughs. "I'll bring the crackers!"
After their Christmas lunch Joan says they will relax just like any other family.
"Some of the kids will play Monopoly," she says. "We will probably watch some TV and flake out, because we'll have eaten a lot."
Children clearly remain close to Joan's heart. She has three daughters - Tara, 44, Sacha, 42, and Katyana (Katy), 35 - and three grand-children, Miel, nine, Weston, and Ava Grace, three.
And when I meet her at Harrods, in London, she is spending the afternoon with terminally-ill children and their parents from a London hospice.
"I've been involved with The Shooting Star Children's Hospice for about 12 years," she says. "My little girl Katy had a terrible accident and she was in the hospital for almost seven weeks. She was well taken care of but when they had done all they could for her in a physical way, they said, 'OK, you can take her home now.' "I said, 'But she still can't walk or talk or read or write or eat', and they said, 'Well, that's up to you now'.
"Luckily, I had the financial resources to be able to get teams of people in and I was able to be with her all the time.
She is now completely recovered and you wouldn't know anything had happened to her.
"But that is when I realised there are thousands of parents that do not have the resources to help their children.
"The hospice is great because it not only takes care of the children and helps them, but it helps the parents, because the strain and the stress on the parents must be almost unendurable.
"To have a child or a baby with a lifethreatening disease or illness is about the worst thing that can happen to you. We all know we are going to lose our parents... but we do not expect to lose our children."
Joan has been married to her fifth husband Percy, 42, for just over five years now.
So will the Peruvian-born theatre director be the last-ever man to take the former Dynasty star's hand in marriage?
"Absolutely," she says. "He'll be the last
Because he's a wonderful, wonderful man. I've finally found somebody who I feel is a great husband, great with my three children, incredible with the grandchildren, and all my friends adore him.
He's kind and funny and giving and loyal and loving and understanding. I make him sound like a prig. He's not. He's great fun, he's terrific. He's my rock.
My three children are fatherless because their fathers died but they have a paternal figure in him." Family plays a major role in Joan's life, especially at Christmas, but she is clearly also determined to carry on working.
"The one show I'd love to be in is Desperate Housewives," she says. "I think it's great. I could see myself coming in as someone's aunt or mother or interfering neighbour - a neighbour who comes in, who creates a bit of trouble. I'm totally hooked... I've watched every episode."
Joan says she's so addicted she even has tapes of the latest episodes posted to her as soon as the shows air in America.
"It's an excellent show. And they're four fabulous actresses, all of whom are extremely watchable. All the plots are excellent.
"I'm hooked on hardly any television. The only other show I've been hooked on was Upstairs, Downstairs."
Joan's name still gets linked with lots of TV and movie projects, with one recent report claiming she had signed up to star in the new Doctor Who series as an evil Time Lord. She denies she's been offered a role, but admits she would jump at the chance to star in the hit BBC1 show.
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"I'd love to be in it," she says. "When Miel, my nine-year-old grand-daughter, read that story she phoned me and asked, 'Are you doing it? Are you doing it?' and I said, 'I don't know anything about it'.
"I'd love to be on Doctor Who - I think it's a fabulous piece of TV."
She asks me, mischievously: "Don't you think I'd be good?"
Well, what would Joan Collins bring to the role of an evil Time Lord?
"I'd bring evility," she chuckles. "I've always been good at playing the villains.
"Villains are the most interesting parts. If you look at Superman, he is a little bit of a drip, but look at Lex Luthor, as played by Gene Hackman, and wow, is he fabulous!"
But one TV show you're certain not to see Joan on in the future is I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here. Despite seeing her close friend Christopher Biggins become "Queen of the Jungle" recently, she wouldn't dream of trying to follow in his footsteps.
"You wouldn't catch me doing that. Not for a zillion pounds. I called him before it started and he didn't know whether he was going in. I said, 'Do you really want to do this? Are you ready to eat those bugs?' and he said, 'Yes, I really do want to do it'.
"I told him, 'You're bound to win. I don't know who half these people are, but I know a couple of them and you have to win. But are you going to be able to eat the creepy crawlies?'
"I was also worried about his weight. He's not a skinny lizzy, and he said, 'Oh, but I've already lost a stone'.
"I watched the show religiously. We were all thrilled and delighted for him. It couldn't happen to a nicer man.
"We had dinner two nights after he came back, at The Ivy in London. There were six of us and the whole restaurant started applauding when he showed up. Percy said we've been many times to The Ivy and seen people come in after being in a play and not receive a standing ovation. Any time I meet anybody recently, they ask, 'Oh, I know you know Biggins, do you think he'd be interested in doing...?' "I should be his agent! I've had five offers for him in the past week."
Joan is also a huge fan of the Spice Girls - she often speaks to Geri and Victoria - and pours scorn on any notion the group are too old to get back together.
"They're still kids.... they're thirty something-year-olds," she says, defensively.
"You know, people talk about them like they're old crocks. We're going to see them at one of their shows in London."
Joan's also intrigued by the story of John Darwin, the canoeist who came back from the dead. "I think it would make a great movie," Joan says. "And I could play the wife.
Sign me up for the movie!"
Joan was awarded the OBE in 1997, and has always been proud that she's British. She still lives in London's Belgravia, and also spends time in New York and France.
But one aspect of her life she has changed is her attitude to health. Six months ago, Joan quit smoking and says she hasn't had a single puff since.
"I stopped because I thought it's so undignified to have to go outside a restaurant to smoke a cigarette," she says. "Now I just can't stand the taste."
Keeping her healthy complexion and slim figure are clearly important to Joan, but she insists it's just a matter of keeping a balance between exercise, good food and good times.
"I don't diet. I eat everything...
I eat chocolate, I don't eat junk, I don't have huge portions and I exercise."
"I have considered surgery," she admits.
"But I'm needlephobic. And the thought of having elective surgery is scary. I was at a party in Paris this weekend, and there were some face-jobs there that were terrifying."
She adds: "I'd just like to keep on working - and keep on living!"
And with that she's gone, trotting downstairs to join her pal Father Christmas and bring some magic into the lives of a group of children at his Harrods grotto.
a.gregory@sundaymirror.co.uk JOAN Collins is a patron of The Shooting Star Children's Hospice. To make a donation to it call 020 8334 7383 or visit www.shootingstar.org.uk for info.
'Percy is funny, kind and loyal.. he's my rock'
'Jackie will cook the turkey - I will bring the crackers'
